On the subject of sports

The tops of my hands are stained with ink that is supposed to remind me of all those things I need to get done. They are layered and some are pictograms, and even more are faded because I obsessively wash my hands when i am working at the public computers in the computer lab–why, because athletes have a propensity to inspect their genitals before and after updating their fantasy baseball teams. It still baffles me that they will all make more money than me.

On the subject of sports, unless you have been living under a rock recently you know that the recent success of Bary Bonds has caused a swarm of debate around the issue of performance enhancing drugs and how to handle his recent home run record. Really I could care less about this issue, but the debates over Barry Bonds have got me thinking about enhancement drugs.

Since I do not play sports I have been mostly mulling this issue over in the context of the classroom–the scholastic terrordome if you will. The college and private high school classroom, like the locker room, has seen its share of performance enhancing drug use. However, unlike athletes these scholastic players are not juicing to bulk up their quads but rather to stay up all night and or focus long enough to write a five page paper.

There is no question that many students really need these drugs to focus, and I would like to state very clearly that I have no beef with this. Hell, half my family would not be in college if it were not for these drugs. Rather, this post is directed to the kids who take things for nothing more than the extra edge.

While this would never happen, I think it would be funny to use some of the criticism and comments made about Bonds in the context of the classroom. Wouldn’t it be funny if schools started testing kids for drugs like Adderall? Wouldn’t it be funny if kids who did not have RX and who tested positive got a little asterisk next to their 4.0 GPA saying something to the effect of 4.0 an effect of performance enhancing drugs? I think so.

Password Protected

In this technology age you need a password for just about everything. If I want to check my voicemail i need to enter my password. If I want to check my email I need a password. If I want to use my atm card I need a password. These passwords provide us with a significant amount of security.
Although it can be really frustrating when I forget my password, I am still very happy that there is all of this tech security because it protects me from fraud and from invasions of privacy. I rest assured knowing that it will not be easy for just anyone to assume my identity and post a blog under my name and that no anyone can check my voicemail messages. And sometimes this tech security even protects us from ourselves. For example, if I am so inebriated that I cannot remember my password I cannot just take out all of the money from my checking account and spend it on something I might regret.
After thinking about the whole thing I have concluded that there should be some kind of password protected device to prevent people from making poor sexual choices. Wouldn’t it be great if there were some kind of tech savvy chastity belt that was password protected? Imagine how many better and safer sexual choices people would make. I mean this would totally guard against the “oh my god I was so drunk, I really regret doing that with him/her moment.” Drunk person is too smashed to remember their grandmother’s maiden name and boom no sex that night. I wonder if the rates of STDs would go down? I wonder if the rates of regrettable sex would go down? Wouldn’t this also handle a bunch of consent issues as well?
Of course my logic is totally thrown off by the “remember password option.” If this existed, then surely nothing would change.
Another idea is a breathalyzer chastity belt. Blow here (please excuse the sexual innuendo, I could not help myself) and if you are too drunk no dice.