Recently, romantic angst has been the subject of a lot of conversations. Me and my coeds have been trying to make sense of a romantic culture that seems unreadable. After plenty of discussions with friends and a few reflections on my own experiences I have come to this conclusion:
We live in a romantically nebulous era where nothing is clear, there are no distinct steps or rules, and no clear end and beginning.
Formality has deteriorated and we exist in one giant shade of gray. We hang out with people, hook up with the people we hang out with, date friends, are friends with ex’s, and so much else without a clear formula or clear points of distinction.
Boys and girls are friends, boys and girls hug, boys and boys and girls and girls are friends, and they hug. They also kiss and hang out in scenarios that could be romantic, but what qualifies as “romantic” is never directly stated.
It is all up in the air, there are no lines, and romantic text is open to interpretation. While some may really cherish the post-modernism of all this, I, and many others, find it frustrating because it creates a system that tries to pretend there are no rules when romance is a concept wholly dependent on rules and lines.
How do we make sense of these interactions if we are so reluctant to even categorize them, or even talk about them. How are we suppose to decode when that friend hug is a more than a friend hug? How are we suppose to know when that kiss is more than a “whateva” kiss? How are we suppose to know when that hang out sesh is a date? In short, how the hell are we suppose to distinguish between when you like “like like” them and when you just “like” them?
Is it all intent? But if it is all intent then how do you convey your intent to the other party when it is so difficult to articulate how a friend hug and a non friend hug are different?
One person told me you just have to pay attention and look for one person to send a signal like looking into your eyes. But how are we suppose to know which pieces of the romantic text are still active and which are not. Plus, misreading a Like like for a like can land in you an awkward no friend zone, which kills me because that line just appears out of no where in a fog of gray.
Basically we have created a system that ultimately leads to our heartbreak and frustration because while we hate distinguishing between types of interactions we continue to hold people responsible when they do cross borders–even though these borders are not concrete. I guess I am just going to remain confused confused until we start following some kind of natural order. I like ambiguity, but can’t we have some kind of romantic handshake that says this is more. I like like you stupid?
