According to VH1, that show New Amsterdam, and every Rom Com movie, when you find love, you find your husband/wife to be, and you are complete. I however, disagree. I mean, what the hell does Love got to do, got to do with? Whats love but a second hand emotion? Some rush of chemicals that makes you euphoric and chemically dependent on the other person. Love is exciting, and fun, but it is also weak, and fleeting. Love is an informal chemical contract with someone. Love is an agreement that as long as you keep acting, looking, and behaving like____ I will love you, and I think we all know that no one ever keeps acting, looking, and behaving the same. Love is tenuous and consequently the antithesis of marriage. Love is ephemeral because like every chemical addiction you soon grow tired of the original dosage.
Conversely, marriage is more permanent. Marriage is a rational contract between two consenting adults. Marriage is a financial and social agreement. A co-dependent type thing. Marriage is everything love is not, because unlike some chemical addiction, marriage is reciprocal, balanced, square.
Want to know why divorce rates are where they are? Because way too many people conflate love and marriage. Rock of Love with Brett Michaels, is actually a pretty accurate depiction of love (sans it being a blatant example of the male pornographic fantasy). The show is a fantasy, it is short lived. It is outrageous, superficial, and surreal–and the furthest thing from pragmatic. Point is just cause you love someone doesn’t mean you should get hitched.
So what makes for a good marriage if not your true love? Well every person is different but here is what I got:
I would like to marry someone who
1.) Attended a top tier school–this way our children have a better chance of getting in come application time, we will also have a lot in common and share experiences.
2.) Is either a CPA, doctor, lawyer, or professor–health care and legal services are expensive and taxes are hard, this would also guarantee that with our incomes combined we will be able to live well
3.) Has a strong history of health–do you want children that look like acutane babies? Plus medical expenses are high.
4.) Is attractive–again think of your children,
5.) Has a life philosophy that complements me
Now I know this list may seem arbitrary or in fact superficial, but in fact it is a list that correlates with the truest meaning and purpose of marriage, which is to enter into a functional social contract with someone and to create an environment that is beneficial to one another and your children. Marriage isn’t sexual monogamy, it is social and economic monogamy. I know this may make some people heated, but just think about it this way: how many times have you loved someone knowing good and well that you would make an awful husband/wife (pardon the heteronormativity) couple?
