It happens a lot at parties. You are playing your fucking song on the ipod, or worse yet you are letting a playlist you carefully crafted for three days play when suddenly out of no where some skinny jean’d flannel wearing mother fucker with scruff saunters over to where you have the ipod stationed and starts thumbing through your music collection like it is his mom’s medicine cabinet. What is about to happen is an IPOD hijacking. What this means is that in a matter of three seconds your song is going to abruptly stop and something else is going to start playing. Most likely it will be something by Justice, MIA, or in some odd cases Madonna. The entire flow of the party that you so carefully planned is about to be switched without your consent, which makes this whole thing something of a musical rape. You didn’t say no, but you didnt say yes either.
I know all about this cause I have seen it happen, and I am a recovering ipod hi-jacker. I not too long ago thought my musical knowledge and sense of the dance climate in a room entitled me to just jack someone’s ipod without warning or invitation and play what I considered better. Fortunately I realized that the error of my ways-I realized this is fucking annoying, rude, and usually going to make you look lame.
So this is kind of a like a public service announcement to you potential thieves and ipod terrorists. Don’t do it. Just don’t do it, unless things are real bad and the host is playing world music. Just let the music ride. Dance, and if it is real bad drink some more PBR cause if it aint your party and you aint the hired DJ (or in this day and age HDJ–hard drive jockey) you have no business switching music. You are a guest so don’t think you are all knowing musical Buddha Hipster on the mountain top. Plus more than likely if you just let it ride you will get turned onto something new. Remember no truly great man ever thought himself so.
Ways to defend against Musical Hijackers
1.) Have a fancy system that intimidates or confuses potential thieves…
2.) Play records only…no one is going to just lift the needle and switch a record…too much time
3.) better yet play cassettes. These bad boys are not skip easy. No one is going to risk fast worwarding.
4.) Put a drug buffet next to the ipod (preferably uppers) as a diversion.
5.) When it happens take a stand. Walk over and just switch it back. Music geeks and hipster fuckwads who pull this nonsense are pretty adverse to confrontation. So if you puff your chest out you should be ok.
6.) Get the equivalent of a club or an alarm system for your ipod
7.) Get a guard dog
