Hiatus

My recap:

I graduated College. Officially.

I mean Mugged it for Pictures.

I did a little stop-over in stepford county.

I now think that the original Texas Chainsaw Massacre is the Scariest/most disturbing film around.

I drove back home…realizing if you want to understand voting blocks in america you must listen to the radio and know baseball (post later).

Arrived back home and slept.

I am going to be taking a hiatus from this thing for a few days more. I will be blogging more regularly once I leave for Berlin. But now I am going to kick back and prepare for my time abroad, my high school reunion, and just enjoy chicago.

-Cheers TF

In the Meantime here are some things to look at

Phi Beta Kappa

Giving a Speech @ Phi Beta Kappa Ceremony. This is what I am going to say.

Wow Rebecca I am blushing. Thanks so much for that warm and flattering introduction. To be honest being here right now is pretty surreal.

I mean before last week I had no idea what Phi Beta Kappa even was.

I was convinced it was just some money making scam—you know, send 60 dollars and we will send you some plastic framed certificate that means about as much as a facebook friend request.

But fortunately for me this education taught me to investigate everything and not just make assumptions—So I did what every college student would do when confronted with something they don’t know…I looked it up on Wikipedia

Which told me that it was a good grades club with a secret handshake, which is kinda funny given the college’s egalitarian ethos.

But whatever right.  I mean I was not about to let something as insignificant as ideological hypocrisy deter me from being a part of something that provides me with the opportunity to wear a cloak and chill with paul walker and Joshua Jackson.

Unfortunately it was after writing the check that I found out that no cloaks were involved and that Paul Walker and Joshua Jackson were in the skulls and not Phi Beta Kappa.

No biggie though, good grade club is fine by me.  Lets just hope that Bates doesn’t start handling the matter of good grades the way the MLB handles ever increasing home run records.

I mean could you imagine if the college started testing for performance enhancing drugs, and started putting little **** next to gpa of 3.8 or higher reading student was mainlining aderol at the time.

But I guess we don’t really have to worry about that cause god knows it wasn’t the drugs that got us here—rather the hard work and the endless support of staff and faculty.

Which is why it is so important that I take a minute to thank_____________

Without your help I know I would not be the student/person that I am now.

Like there is no way that I would be able to rationalize things as well as I can.

Take smoking.  Thanks to you I no longer look at myself as a dirty addict, but rather someone who is actively resisting pressure to be some docile highly disciplined body.

Or buying a paper online.  Some could say that is plagiarizing. This education however, made me realize that it is just applying the economic principle of OUTSOURCING.

Yep for 160,000 dollars I have the ability to live a guilt free existence.  Which if you think about it is kind of a bargain.

Seriously thought, you have all had a profound impact on me.  Thanks to my studies in the WGS and AAS programs, which are also know as inquiries into power, pain, suffering, ebonics, girl talk, sensitivity, urban marketing, and that which is forgotten I see the entire world differently.

I am what we in the liberal arts call a critical thinker.  Thanks to this education I have realized that everything is on a spectrum, there is no truth, nothing is empty or straight forward, and the only things you can count on are chicken patties on Saturdays, Burgers and Greg Waters during short term, and girls in JB and Village freaking out when someone puts on Don’t Stop Believing by Journey.

Take for example kids that camp out in the library and commandeer an oversized desk that is supposed to fit 6 during finals week.  Most would see this as someone who is very committed to their studies.  I however see this as a colonial project and the monopolization of resources.

Or take for example the amount of kids that go on to graduate school after bates.

Many would just think that this signifies the success of the bates education.  Oh but a critical thinker sees this as proof that after four years of college we are not hireable.

Unfortunately for me, my first visit to the OCS made it undeniably clear that highlighting skills are not resume material.

On a side note it is really unfortunate how so many employers confuse being well rounded with being mediocre at a lot.

No but I am sure we are all going to be just fine once we realize that one 930 class twice a week is not how the working world operates and that in the real world drug possession and vandalizing personal property leads to jail and a court date and not a letter home and a bill.

Yeah it is going to be crazy how things change after college. Like drinking at the pub on Tuesday, attending the Shapiro party on wed, the goose on Thursday, and then something random on Friday will no longer mean you are social but rather an alcoholic.

Ambulances will no longer make us think of some first year who is ambitious with liquor, but rather an old woman or a car accident.

Yeah college is a far cry from the real world but we will be ok.  This education has prepared us for  a lot.  I mean even though the only car problem I can handle is when the E lights up, I know the necessary steps for solving a problem.
1. Consult the text. 2. Cite the experts 3. And if all else fails go back to school.

The Final Daze of College

I am always learning things

Did you know:

Phi Beta Kappa has a secret Handshake?

That this could be the first year in three years that there has not be an incident with someone being called the “N” word at this college?

It is impossible to give up on “Feelings?”

160,000 dollar education teaches you how to rationalize anything…meaning a $160,00$ education prevents you from ever feeling guilty?

Senior Week=School sponsored Alcoholism?

Drinking Problems only happen after you graduate…During college you are just participating in a Tradition?

Funny?

Yesterday I was asked to make a speech at the Phi Beta Kappa dinner this friday. Since sitting down to try write this speech I have realized that trying to be funny is like trying to be cool. When you try, you come off as a phony, a tourist, a faker. I am trying to hard to wear the comedic leather jacket. Trying to hard to be the Dean, but I am turning out to be more like Chunk Cohen. Fuck. Back to watching Mitch on Youtube.

Food Hangover

Yesterday I rented four movies and ate a lot. This is what I learned:

A bannana and chocolate milkshake+ (a lot of) Chips with swiss cheese and salsa+  Four Cheese Pizza–digiorno…I CAN believe it is NOT delivery+ More Chips + 1/2 gallon of no bake cookie Ice Cream+ 1/2 family size portion of velveta mac and cheese= Food Hangover.

I cannot even think of food at this point, and my body actually physically aches. But the aftermath has got me thinking…Maybe I should indulge this much to get over other vices. Would this work? Would me going on a bender get me to stop drinking? Is hedonism the way to achieve an ascetic life style?  Is capitalism just a pit stop on the way to socialism?

Really what I think happens is that pain helps you remember…once the pain is gone your ability to abstain goes as well…

Think about Drunk biddys on a sat night/Sunday morning…They swear up and down while puking that they are never going to do this again, but by next Thur…it is on like donkey kong.

So What is your Major?

Inevitably adults and peers alike ask me, “what’s your major?”

When I respond by saying “women and gender studies and African American studies double major” the interested party usually kind of winces and or smiles awkwardly.  They then ask “what are you going to do with that” or just change the subject.

Consequently I have compiled a list of things I say as either a comical defense mechanism or to skip over the two other predictable responses.

Here are some other ways to say you major in Women and Gender Studies and African American Studies

1.) I major in the study of Power

2.) I major in Sensitivity

3.) I major in urban marketing

4.) Politics

5.) The necessity for higher education

6.) Anger Studies

7.) That Which is Forgotten

8.) Post Modern Accounts and Intellectual Masturbation

9.) Pain and Suffering

10.) Ebonics and Girl Talk

Times New Viking…the sound of Dirty Concrete

I have recently been getting into Times New Viking.

Song HERE

Myspace HERE

Not only do they make me want to go rehearse with my band, but they also make me want to get loaded and spend time with an earnest, flannel wearing, self-aware girl, who wears no makeup, closes her eyes when taking a drag of a cigarette, and looks deeply in your eyes when discussing dense theory after midnight.

Last Day of Work

Today is the day. Today is the day. Today is the day. TODAY IS THE Last Day of WOIK. From this day on through the next year I will not have to work (traveling abroad for the year). Wow. So this a a goodbye:

Farewell:

gray walls, dress code, office humor, smiling at 9 am, 1 hour lunch breaks, sitting for 8 hours a day, pretending I am not blogging, compulsively checking email, feeling guilty about not bathing, hearing snide remarks about how I look like shit in the morning, earth tones, meetings, waking up at a set time every day, computer screens, “terrific mondays,” email Memos with exclamation points, selling this college, keeping a planner, using an “inside voice,” and Caring.

I am Out.

20 the new 10…Insights into Hipster Fashion

The other day I was listening to some Bangers with a friend of mine–

(side note isn’t it funny how “friend” takes on two entirely different meanings–like it could mean high-five pal or secretive, don’t want mom or anyone else to know, rip your clothes off, and bring sexy back type thing…I will let you decide which this is)

when we started talking about getting older. Specifically we started to talk about how we don’t feel like we are ready to be as responsible as our ages make us out to be.  Like I am 23 but really feel like a 17 year old.

At first I just felt kinda bad that I don’t feel older, but then it hit me like an angry girlfriend, if 40 is the new 30, then I am really only 13 and have no reason to feel guilty.  Hmm. Then I started to think about feeling 13 and something else dawned on me.

Hipster fashion totally is channeling this drop your age by ten years thing.  Like it seems that a lot of fashion today is best described as “dress like someone who is ten years younger than you are.”

Like it seems that a lot of “fashionable” and “hip” people are totally channeling the I am a little kid and want to wear everything and don’t care if it matches aesthetic…which i love by the way. Like I see a lot of fashion today and I cannot help but think of my little cousin GiGi when she was 8 or so and how she would roll over to our house with tangled hair, cowgirl boots, a leotard, and a poofy tutu.

I don’t know what do you think?

Do you think fashion today is of the dress like a crazy, fashionably autonomous, little kid variety?

Suge Knight Knock the Fuck Out

So Suge Knight (Co-Founder of Death Row Records) was recently knock the fuck out by a barber (who may I add was quite smaller than the Knight).   I could really care less how it happened or what the punch by punch analysis is, but what is interesting is how much Suge looks like Uncle Phil from Fresh Prince of Bel-Air. Check this out:

What do you think??? If you do care about what happened Click HERE