W. of Wabansia

I have repeatedly devoted time and energy to thinking about dating in this modern world (see like like and like like revisited) because well, I am young and fairly privileged, so like Jane Austen, these sorts of matters take up a lot of my thought space. Anyway, recently I have begun to make some more observations. Thoughts about modern romance. What’s on my mind grapes:

1.) If you want to know if you are just a booty call or if it is something more get sick. Seriously, if you are not sure if what you have going on is a “booty call” or “something that is on the road to a relationship” just get sick.  Your partner’s reaction and behavior after finding out you are sick will clear everything up.  If it is a booty call then they will say “feel better” (if anything) and “call me when you feel better.”  If it is more they will  offer to come take care of you.  Soup, medicine, and company is a sign you are not in a booty call type arrangement with someone.

2.) If you want to know if you and your partner are compatible, don’t move in together. This shows nothing. Rather, go on a vacation together.  The stress of traveling will reveal everyone’s darker side.  If traveling is not an option. Go grocery shopping for a two pages of obscure goods in a supermarket that you are unfamiliar with for a dinner thing with guests that is happening in a few hours.  If you can make it through this without yelling at one another, fighting, or becoming a sarcastic prick then you two are compatible.

3.) Never ask “what are you thinking” unless you like being lied to. No one ever answers this question honestly so don’t even bother.

4.) This kind of goes with #3, but Don’t ask questions you don’t want the answers to. Ignorance is not bliss, but it is masochistic and stupid to throw a bowling ball up in the air knowing good and well it is going to come right back down on your head…it is a metaphor.

5.) There are three ways to know that things are getting serious (aside from the sick part). Two of them are obvious.

1.) is that they have a drawer with some sleep wear and a change of clothes (no walk of shame).

2.) They have things like a toothbrush or lotion at your place

The third is not so obvious…

3.) They have food they like in your refrigerator.

I am not sure what comes first.